Windows – IE8 can’t open any secure (https://) sites

internet-explorer-8windows 7

This is weird. I can't even access paypal.com, it simply says "Internet explorer cannot display this webpage", as if it couldn't locate it. Yet, I get to it just fine in chrome.

I have even gone to Internet settings -> reset to reset all of my options – no go. I have tried lowering my security settings to the bare minimum. Yes, I have the SSL and TLS options checked under Security. I'm out of ideas. Anyone?

I'm on Windows 7.

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