How to sync instance A to instance B without losing any of the data already on instance B

There is no need to copy the files - there is an ASM "trick" that does exactly what you want to do with no interruption in service. When ASM rebalances a disk, it maintains a list of viable LUNS for each block independently of the LUN on which it presently lives. It also won't drop a disk on which there are active blocks without rebalancing elsewhere - but it will mark it as not a viable home for rebalancing!

Once you have used oracleasm to make the new LUNs visible to ASM, you just issue the single command (forgive syntax, off the top of my head)

alter diskgroup my_dg add disk 'new1', 'new2', 'new3' drop disk old1, old2, old3;

Then sit back and wait. ASM will hot-relocate each block from the old storage to the new, laying them out nicely on the way, and drop the old disks when the operation completes. I/O will be a bit higher, but your users probably won't notice a thing.

As for your ORACLE_HOME, I'm afraid switching that will require a (brief) outage.

You need to grant the REFERENCES privilege on the reference table to user2. (See GRANT, Table Privileges section. Note that this cannot be granted to a role, must be granted to the user directly.)

Here's a demo:

SQL> create user user1 identified by user1;
User created.
SQL> grant create session, create table, unlimited tablespace to user1;
Grant succeeded.

SQL> create user user2 identified by user2;
User created.
SQL> grant create session, create table, unlimited tablespace to user2;
Grant succeeded.

SQL> create table user1.ref_table (id number primary key);
Table created.
SQL> insert into user1.ref_table values (1);
1 row created.
SQL> insert into user1.ref_table values (2);
1 row created.
SQL> commit;
Commit complete.

SQL> grant references on user1.ref_table to user2;
Grant succeeded.

SQL> connect user2/user2;
Connected.
SQL> create table oth_table (thing number, fk number);
Table created.
SQL> alter table oth_table add(constraint fk1 foreign key (fk)
  2      references user1.ref_table on delete set null);
Table altered.

SQL> insert into oth_table values (42, 1);
1 row created.
SQL> insert into oth_table values (256, 2);
1 row created.
SQL> commit;
Commit complete.

SQL> connect user1/user1;
Connected.
SQL> delete from ref_table where id = 1;
1 row deleted.
SQL> commit;
Commit complete.

SQL> connect user2/user2;
Connected.
SQL> select * from oth_table;

     THING     FK
---------- ----------
    42
       256      2

If you want admin to do all the work, it'll need the CREATE ANY INDEX privilege, and you still need the REFERENCES grant to user2.

Here's how that could work:

SQL> create user user1 identified by user1;
User created.
SQL> create user user2 identified by user2;
User created.
SQL> create user admin identified by admin;
User created.

--- Grants
----------------
SQL> grant create session, create table, unlimited tablespace to user1;
Grant succeeded.
SQL> grant create session, create table, unlimited tablespace to user2;
Grant succeeded.
SQL> grant create session, create any table,
  2        create any index, alter any table to admin;
Grant succeeded.

--- Create reference table as admin
----------------
SQL> connect admin/admin
Connected.
SQL> create table user1.ref_table (id number primary key);
Table created.

--- Do the "references" grant
----------------
SQL> connect / as sysdba
Connected.
SQL> grant references on user1.ref_table to user2;
Grant succeeded.

--- Create the second table as admin
----------------
SQL> connect admin/admin
Connected.
SQL> create table user2.oth_table (foo number, bar number);
Table created.

--- Add the constraint
----------------
SQL> alter table user2.oth_table add(constraint fk
  2      foreign key (bar) references user1.ref_table(id)
  3      on delete set null);
Table altered.