IOS – ny way to use iOS Remote to control an Apple TV without Home Sharing

On the computer

• Open iTunes
• Turn on Home Sharing in the Advanced menu
• Keep iTunes running

On the iDevice

• Open Preferences
• Open Music Preferences
• Enter same AppleID for Home Sharing as in iTunes (note, you may have to re-enter the account if it appears already to be there. This both verifies the stored password is correct and re-registers the iOS device with your account's Home Sharing)

To Use

• Start the Music app in the iPad
• Tap on 'More' at the bottom right

• Tap on 'Shared' to see a list of shares music libraries

I've got this same situation going at home; two computers with separate iTunes Store accounts, an AppleTV that pulls content from both of them, and iTunes Home Sharing turned on.

The automatic syncing behavior is optional and, I believe, opt-in. When you turn on Home Sharing and select it in iTunes, you'll see this down in the bottom right corner:

When you click the "Settings" button, you'll see this window:

As you can see, you have plenty of options. Simply uncheck the things you don't want automatically synced, and you're good to go.