IOS 11 share-sheet not including Messages option

From the fact that the issue persists across multiple firmware updates, it's almost definitely a hardware or firmware issue.

My first guess would be some small amount of metallic debris in the dock connector. It's likely that connecting and disconnecting the usb connection forces the software to assume that there is nothing connected, until the next time the phone wakes, when it checks if it's connected to a passive audio-out adapter.

Some metallic debris in the dock connector could force the phone into thinking there is always a line-out adapter present.

Try cleaning the dock connector with compressed air or a soft brush, or look into it with bright light to see if there are any bent pins.

Why not make an new shared apple id that you can all use specifically for home sharing. Then you get to tap "more" then "sharing" in the iOS music app.